It does not matter if you are masculine, feminine, nerdy, thuggish, laid back, prissy, male, or female, experiencing heartbreak is one of the most difficult things one can ever encounter. When I come across someone who is experiencing a fresh dose of heartbreak, I immediately say, “I understand”. As strong as I claim to be, I can admit that heartbreak was one of the worst feeling I have ever experienced.
Like many of you, I eventually recovered from heartbreak, but when I was in the moment it felt like the end of the world. Now that a few years have passed and I am in a happy marriage, I am able to give a few tips that can help you overcome the horrible feeling of heartbreak.
1. Allow Yourself Time to Grieve
The first thing you must understand when dealing with heartbreak is that you are grieving the loss of a person. Typically when we hear the term grieving, it is associated with death, but the definition of grief is experiencing the pain of a loss. You are experiencing grief during heartbreak because you lost a person who you felt was near and dear to your heart. I suggest that you take time for yourself and remember that recovery is a “process” and does not happen overnight.
2. Accept that the Relationship is Over
When you love someone and you put your time, energy, emotions, and heart into them, you do not want to see that person leave and it is hard for you to accept that they are gone. Your mind can sometimes play tricks on you and make you believe that they will have an epiphany and realize they made a mistake by leaving you. The thought of the person possibly returning is one of the reasons it takes some people a long time to recover from a breakup. When you fully accept that a relationship is over, you can begin to heal and move forward.
3. Don’t Blame or Compare Yourself to Another Person
When someone leaves you, you can find yourself asking the question, “what is wrong with me”. In many cases, there is nothing wrong with you. The real problem lies within your ex and the internal conflicts they are having. If you start blaming yourself for the reasons a person left, you will live a life of regrets and it will hinder your ability to heal and recover.
Another thing I like to stress is that if your ex left you for another person, try not to compare yourself to that person or ask what makes the other person better than you. People leave relationships for different reasons and they choose other people for various reasons. I can assure you that your value does not decline as a result of them leaving you. If you know you are valuable, you will see their departure as their loss. As the old cliché’ goes, one person’s loss is another person’s treasure and you will be someone else’s treasure if you allow yourself to heal.
4. You Will Heal Only if You Want to Heal
The key to properly healing is to work towards improvement and not further digging yourself into depression. I fully understand that early in the process of heartbreak, you may experience immense pain and this is completely normal. The truth is that the only way you will heal is if you really want to heal. Sometimes people find comfort living in their self-pity because it allows them to remain upset while also keeping them mentally and emotionally attached to their ex. When you get to the point where you move beyond the anger directed towards the other person and focus more on self, you will begin the real process of healing.
5. Accept that You May Never Get Your Questions Answered
When someone breaks your heart, it is only normal for you to ask the question, “why?” Unfortunately, you may never get your questions answered and even if you do, you may never get an answer that you find acceptable. I have seen so many people stay mentally bound to a person because they desire answers to the question “why”? To fully recover from heartbreak, you have to come to a point where you fully accept and get comfortable with the fact that you may never get an answer to your questions. The only person you need to question while dealing with heartbreak is yourself. You need to ask yourself, do I deserve better than getting my heart broken by this person and do I deserve to recover from this heartbreak to become happy again?
6. The further You Stay Away, the Easier It Will Be to Heal
I will not fully elaborate on this point, because there will be a full article coming out about this in the future. In short, the further you can stay away from a person after a break up, the easier it is to recover. Think of it this way, a drug addict cannot properly recover from drug addiction if they are always around drugs; so a person who is heartbroken cannot fully heal of heartbreak if they are around the person who caused the heartbreak.
7. Don’t Give Up On Love
Giving up on love is the easy thing to do because it takes no effort and it eliminates the possibility of you ever being hurt again. You must realize that it is not that love is a bad thing; it is that you were with a person who was not for you (even if it felt like it was right). I do not expect you to desire a new person during your period of recovery, because you need time to heal. Once you recover, you will realize that love may be possible again and in some cases you will look back on your current situation and laugh at how you settled.
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